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City Acupuncture's Blog

How To Talk About Infertility

Posted by Rob Benhuri

May 18, 2015 4:12:36 PM

parents_yell_at_childI know the feeling: You are on the subway, watching a young parent doing a terrible job of raising their children.

"How could she have kids when I can't?!!? It's just not fair."

Well you are right - it is not fair. When it comes to TTC, fair is not a part of the equation. You don't "deserve" to have trouble conceiving. It isn't a punishment for something you did or did not do. It is just a fact of life. And the more comfortable we can get with this fact of life, the easier it will be to talk about it. 

Start at the beginning

I hate the term "infertility." It is a terrible term, totally inaccurate for most people, and far more final than it needs to be. Here at City Acupuncture we never mention infertility. Rather, what we are offering is "fertility support." Ultimately this is what the world needs more of: Support.

So in dissecting the rules of how to talk about infertility, let's start with that: no more infertility. 

The Next Steps

The next major block to talking about fertility is the imagined divide between you and everyone else. Yes, it's true that your cousin had 3 kids before she was 21 and it seems like she can just look at a man and get pregnant while you have been trying for almost 2 years with no success. 

However, that doesn't mean at all that your cousin (friend, neighbor, boss, etc) has the perfect life. She has problems just as much as you do... It's just that conceiving a child isn't one of them. For all you know her problems are far worse.

Often when we are trying to conceive for a long period of time the tendency is to want to withdraw and not be social with anyone. Underlying this urge for wirthdrawal is - in my opinion - a loss of hope. A sense that this is never going to work out.


The only reason I am writing about it now is because that feeling is not making it any easier to conceive. In fact, the stress and pressure is making it much harder. And it won't get better if we don't start just talking about this experience with each other.

So this is my first attempt. May be very clunky, I hope i haven't said anything that is insulting or too pushy. But I won't remain quiet because I am afraid of hurting feelings. It's just too important, there are too many people out there having trouble with this. We have to band together and help each other out.

If you have specific comments or want to talk more about this send me an email!

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